Comparison is the thief of joy.

– Unknown

For those of us who suffer from impostor syndrome, and it’s not everyone, the mark it leaves is indelible. The constant comparison and concern about delivering and keeping up both fuels and depletes. Strivings completed provide an all too brief reprieve. They are ended soon by the question “What’s next?” as you watch your contemporaries push forward while you rest.

Impostor syndrome is fractal. It doesn’t fade away. As cyclist Greg LeMond said, “It never gets easier, you just go faster.”

No matter your position or talent, the deficit between “their” skill and yours feels constant, infinitely nuanced, and ultimately un-closable.

Say you’re a beginner whose skill is 10. Examining someone a bit ahead of you at 100, the delta seems so wide.

But even for an expert–say a world class operator in their field–who executes at 1000, the delta between them and someone at 1010 is perceived to be just as wide.

This is demonstrated in episode one of Get Back by Peter Jackson.

George Harrison: …the difference between me and, say, Eric, I’m just another guitar, sometimes playing bits and sometimes singing…So…I feel now I can play things. I can learn things that will sound okay, especially fast fingering like that.
Paul McCartney: It’s jazz, man.
George Harrison: Not really, Just Eric. He’s very good at that. At like, improvising and keeping it going…which I’m not good at.

The words alone don’t justify the exchange. George suffers throughout the clip. Here’s one of the most famous, most accomplished musicians forlorn over the gap between himself and Eric Clapton. Mind you, this is after Beatlemania, after fame and fortune has been attained. And yet George Harrison feels under-accomplished, trapped, and lacking.

Let’s take a more modern example from the podcast episode How I Built Resilience: M. Night Shyamalan

Guy Raz: How did you overcome self-doubt?
M. Night Shyamalan: You don’t. You don’t. I have it right now in front of you. I mean, I just came from the editing room and I have all these issues with this reel and I’m trying to figure it out and the voice inside of you says, “You’re not, you’re not going to figure it out.”…I’m scared to write [my next movie]. Maybe today I won’t be able to think of that thing. My oldest daughter is an artist and I said, “That is your plight. You are going to wrestle with your demons every single day of your life.”

If you suffer from impostor syndrome–and I think “suffer” is an appropriate verb to describe its effects–you’re in good company.